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Dear Zelda, I have an eleven-month-old English bulldog named Petunia. She is the sweetest and most loveable dog that has ever owned me. Her wrinkles and sad eyes make my heart melt. However, today I almost lost it. I came home for lunch to let her out and found my apartment in a wreck. Petunia managed to get out of the spare bath and chew two pair of very nice dress shoes. (How she got into the closet is beyond me!) She got in the trash and spread it all over the bedroom, chewed a toilet brush, pooped on the floor, and chewed the knob off the bed post. This is a dog that has been nothing but a dream since I got her. She has not had an accident (Potty) in over five months and has never chewed anything other than her toys. She is somewhat nosey but has never pushed open sliding doors and dug in trash. She was only alone for about five hours, nothing new for her. I have not moved or changed any routines. We walk at least twice a day for about 30 minutes. We even have play time where I play with her toys with her. What happened?? I thought her being almost a year old she would have out grown these habits known as the puppy stage. Could she be going through them at an older age? Is this normal? Please share any advice you have. I am so confused why this happened. Peeved with Petunia Dear Peeved, Believe it or not, inside each and every one of us perfect pooches lives a little devil doggie, and while we learn to control those little devils as we get older, sometimes they still get out! Rover the Retriever may provide years of faithful fetching, only to suddenly devour all the Christmas presents one night. Bessie the Beagle may slumber peacefully at your feet for a decade, then decide to leave a “surprise” for you in your favorite armchair one morning. Sounds to me like in this case, Perfect Petunia’s devil doggie got out.. in a big way! Is there anything bad she didn’t do? Still, I wouldn’t be too worried about her; most of us, both pooches and people alike, have a little ‘bad’ tethered somewhere inside, and timing and circumstances can release that hidden demon. With us dogs, it’s usually because we’re trying to communicate with you in the only way we know how. But then sometimes, I have to admit, we just do it because we can’t resist. Either way, these are behaviors that can be fixed, and that generally get better with time. Not convinced? Let me tell you about my bad behavior when I was Petunia’s age. My owner thought she had read all the books on dog training, and that things were moving smoothly toward my becoming the Perfect Pooch. I accompanied her wherever she went, whenever possible. However, grocery stores here in Oregon don’t allow dogs inside unless they are service dogs. It was a cool spring day and my owner needed to pick up a carton of milk. She had practiced leaving me alone in the car for short time periods before, so she felt confident that I would sit patiently with my nose pressed to the window. In the five minutes she was gone, however, I got lonely and bored, and of course I didn’t know she’d only be gone five minutes, so... I started chewing. In fact, in the course of those five (wonderfully guilty) minutes I managed to chew up the ENTIRE leather passenger seat. Fast work, huh? Needless to say, my owner was not happy to come back and find her car had been turned into a giant snow globe complete with seat stuffing drifting through the air. It was a long time before I was left in a car again, and when I was, I always had plenty of chew toys. And I will say I’ve never tried a repeat performance of the “just chew it” act. So why do we do it? In my case, and probably in Petunia’s, we’re young and excitable and very attached to you, and it often happens when we’re bored and upset about being left alone and confined. Mind you, it’s not retaliation or spite that motivates us, we just get upset and start acting out because it’s all we know to do. If this is a one-time event I wouldn’t lose too much sleep over it... it may have been a flare-up of teenage rebellion, or she may have just been scared by something that day. The loud noise of a jet plane, someone pounding on your door, an ambulance siren, or any number of unknown incidents could have frightened her enough to trigger the bad behavior. And it’s important, hard as it sounds, not to discipline her hours after the fact, when she doesn’t remember what she did in the first place, and when you don’t know why she did it. But of course it’s also important to try and prevent this in the future. To me, it sounds like Petunia may be bored and not sufficiently stimulated by her environment during the day, particularly if she’s kept in the spare bathroom while you’re away at work. Even if you diligently come home at lunch, take her on long walks each day, and set aside dedicated playtime, when you’re not around she’s stuck in a relatively small space probably with little stimulus. Effectively, you’re creating a feast-or-famine environment for Petunia that only increases her dependence on you. There are a number of things you could do to help, first and foremost of which is to give her a wider area to explore during the day. Fence off a room or two at home, preferably rooms without expensive shoes or rugs on the floor, and let her roam a bit. Make sure she has toys she enjoys, water to drink, and a comfortable bed. While she may get into slightly more trouble in the short term, in the long run she’ll be happier and calmer, and you’ll be less likely to see the return of the devil doggie. While I’m sure a spare bathroom is easier to control (and to clean!), it really is too small a space for most dogs to stay in every day. Another option, though it takes a little time and costs some money, is to try putting Petunia in doggie day-care even one or a few days a week. The socialization and increased stimulus of even a few visits can do wonders for dogs that are otherwise feeling lonely. If these bad behaviors do continue or become more severe, Petunia may be suffering from separation anxiety. Indeed, Petunia’s ‘bad behavior’ could be the result of a panic response to your absence. This becomes much more likely if she’s confined to a small space and understimulated during the day. If she continues to be destructive only when she’s left alone, barks and scratches at the door continuously in your absence, and greets you frantically when you come home, it is important to recognize and correct this trend. The Humane Society has excellent tips for the diagnosis and treatment of separation anxiety on their website, www.hsus.org. Another good book on separation anxiety is I'LL BE HOME SOON! by Patricia McConnell. Personally, I’m betting that Petunia’s melee was just a normal pre-teen tantrum, and that with a little more stimulus and some more room to move while you’re away, these growing pains will soon be a thing of the past. Zelda Dear Zelda I am a 35-year-old manager at a medical facility. I have been having problems with one woman who is younger than I. She is an excellent worker but always tries to dismiss me when I have to change workflow in the department. When she hears I am trying to do something positive for the staff she turns it into something negative. If she likes my idea, then it becomes her idea and she will suggest “her idea” the day or hour before I planned to announce it. I’ve tried talking with her about things outside work. For example I’ve tried discussing the fact that she is studying for her Masters since I already have mine. I’ve asked about her personal life etc. I just cannot seem to connect in any way. I constantly feel she is trying to leave me out of any social event that the staff might participate in doing. Please advise. Thanks, Confused in Lynbrook NY Dear Confused, All dogs know a thing or two about pecking orders, and having gone from underdog to supermodel to running my own company, I’ve personally learned a lot about management in the past few years. And let me tell you, dealing with people is never easy: when your job involves working with and managing people, some conflict is inevitable. You’re not going to love everyone you work with, and they’re not all going to love you, especially if you’re the manager. The real skill is to try and build respectful and functional relationships with everyone, even if you’re not best friends. From your description it sounds like your co-worker isn’t about to win the Miss Congeniality contest, but I’d bet my favorite chew toy that you can turn your disadvantage to an advantage in this situation. According to an article in the Wall Street Journal by Morley D. Glicken, (How to Resolve Conflicts With Your Co-Workers), those who grate on each other’s nerves don’t usually clash with everyone in the office, just those they’re most like, lending truth to the old axiom, “familiarity breeds contempt.” You mentioned that your co-worker is younger, is an excellent worker, and is studying for her Master’s degree (which you already have). It sounds to me like the two of you might make a great team if you can come to terms with each other. It also sounds to me that you don’t really dislike her, you dislike the way she’s acting, and you dislike that she seems to dislike you. This is a good thing because fundamentally she is a person you can work well with, if you can get past whatever sticking points and lack of communication have hampered your relationship to this point. Since some damage has already been done, it will require a bit of work to get things back on course. My suggestion is that the next time an “issue” arises, you deal with it immediately (though not when you’re mad-dog miffed). Come up with a game plan so you can define the problem and then generate some ideas and options for resolving it. Invite your co-worker to meet with you on neutral ground. Having a cup of coffee in the cafeteria or even at a local Starbucks can diffuse the tension, as long as it’s done correctly and not misinterpreted. Then focus on the problem, not the person. Begin by telling her how much you like and respect her as a worker, but that you’ve noticed that there seems to be some conflict between you and that you’d like to work to move past it. Using calm language, discuss some relevant prior examples, and the actions she has taken and how they have affected you. Try to be respectful and sincere. Then ask her if there are things you’ve done that have bothered her, and if there are specific things she feels you could change to make your relationship work more smoothly. Make sure you listen carefully to her answers, never interrupting, and let her know you understand by restating her position so she knows you’ve been paying attention. Be sure to reinforce that you admire her strengths and that you think by working together positively, by sharing ideas and by enthusiastically presenting them to the staff, the two of you can turn your department into a model for the medical facility. Most importantly, remember that this is not an argument to be won. You are not trying to prove that you’re right or that she’s been unjust to you. If you walk away having made this point, but made her angry in the process, you’ve lost. The point is to develop a respectful working relationship. The key to successfully connecting with your co-worker is for both of you to recognize and appreciate your respective strengths, identify and voice your shared concerns, and then move together toward addressing and solving those concerns. This may sound idealistic, but approached correctly I’ve found this direct approach to be the best way to deal with such interpersonal problems. Perhaps you won’t get all of what you want, but, as the Rolling Stones say, you’ll get what you need. Who knows, it might turn into a powerful partnership! Zelda Share this column with a friend! |
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