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Dear Zelda, I would like more privacy though I do not like “hiding” things from my husband. I never read his mail or emails but he feels free to read mine. What can I do? Guarding My Private Parts Dear Private Parts, When you get hitched you agree to share a lot of things, but in a healthy marriage you also need to respect individuality. In my opinion, wedding vows come with both trust and respect, and that means trusting each other enough to respect one another’s privacy. You absolutely have the right to your own private correspondence—but what matters now is coming to an agreement with your husband that works for both of you. Personal letters and emails are like checking accounts: his, hers, and ours—with rules for each of them. It’s time to let tell your hubby to keep his nose in his own bowl of kibble! So how do you communicate this in a way that’s not hurtful or divisive? When you choose to have this conversation, it’s important to let him know that you’re not about to become some cyber-cheater who plans to sign up for on-line dating or to share love bytes with former beaus, but that your need for privacy is partly to protect the confidences your friends might share with you. When your friends write and say, “This is confidential,” they assume you will honor their trust to keep your lips zipped and their secrets safe. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean your husband should have access to information your friends share with you in confidence. It is none of his business if your best friend is thinking of a face-lift and asks your advice, or if your sister is struggling with a tough time in her marriage. You might also mention to your husband that your surprise birthday party for him wouldn’t be a surprise if he read about it in your emails! My advice? Let there be a little space for privacy in your togetherness. Zelda Dear Zelda, My boyfriend and I continue to argue about my dog. I’m not weird about her. I don’t dress her in velvet jackets and carry her to the mall in a designer bag. However I do let her sleep at the foot of my bed and snuggle with me on the couch when I watch television. The other day after I petted her and then hugged him, he pulled away and told me to go wash my hands. My dog, a Chihuahua-Pug mix, is terrified of my boyfriend because he hits her whenever she tries to get close to him. This is a serious issue because I love her and will never part with her. I’m afraid my relationship with my boyfriend is in trouble. Can a compromise be found? Distressed Mistress Dear Distressed, Honey, your relationship with your boyfriend isn’t just on the rocks, it’s on the boulders! First off, there’s definitely no room for compromise when it comes to hitting your poor pooch! Your boyfriend’s behavior of swatting your dog is abusive and way, way over the line. This needs to stop immediately, for the sake of both you and your pup. And as for him asking you to wash your hands before hugging him, it sounds less like a hygiene issue and more like he’s trying to control you. Does your boyfriend dislike all dogs, or does he just resent that your affections are not exclusively his? Either way, this third-rate beau has got to go! Unless this big-time-loser-dog-abuser demonstrates that he can really, fundamentally change and behave kindly (to BOTH of you), it’s time say “So long, farewell, ‘arff’ wiedersehen, good bye!” I think you’ll be surprised how little you and your pup will miss him. Zelda Share this column with a friend! |
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