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Dear Zelda, I’ve been happily married for three years but recently I accidentally overheard a phone conversation between my husband and his mother where he was telling her inappropriate details about our sex life. I was shocked and it must have showed on my face when he turned around and saw me. He told me that it was no big deal and that he and his mother are very close and share confidences. She lives alone and I’ve often felt that she resents me for stealing her ‘baby.’ My husband calls his mother every day and now I’m wondering what I should do. I’m embarrassed to see her. Am I wrong to think this is a little weird? Zelda what’s your advice? Wondering Wife Dear Wondering, Everyone needs to share some secrets now and then with a confidant, but for your husband to discuss the details of your sex life with his mother is... umm... totally inappropriate! Talk about an Oedipus complex! It’s time for you to take charge and say, “Move over Mom and get out of our bed, we’re not sharing our sheets with you anymore!” Or better yet tell your husband, “Sweetie, either quit telling your Mom the intimate details of our sex life or you won’t have anything to tell!” You’re a married woman whose sex life is nobody’s business, especially not your mother-in-law’s. I don’t care how lonely she is or how bonded she wants to remain to her son, if it makes you uncomfortable, your sex life is officially out-of-bounds for Mom. That said, in a marriage it can be important to have someone to talk with about private matters... for us girls it’s often our friends or sisters in whom we confide, but for men, those support systems can be harder to find. Guys aren’t as comfortable talking about these things with each other, so for your husband, his mom may feel like his only outlet for discussing his sex life. Of course it’s absolutely your right to tell your husband not to discuss such matters with his mom, but in the process it might be worth finding out what he gets out of those discussions, and how you might help him find a more appropriate tree to bark up. Maybe he’d like to talk more openly with you about some things, or perhaps he’d like to talk, either alone or together, with a counselor. I know this all sounds pretty serious, but it’s important to remember that in the process of protecting your own privacy you don’t want to lose these important and delicate avenues of communication you share with you husband. Until you and your husband have settled this issue, you might follow in Lysistrata’s footsteps and simply not give your husband anything new to tell Mom about. Zelda Dear Zelda, My female Labrador had a litter of five puppies. I decided to keep one of the male puppies. Now he is six months old and his mother is about to go into heat. Do I need to worry about him accidentally becoming the dad of her next litter? What should I do? Worried Dear Worried, Whoa baby! Don’t mess with mama! I repeat, “Never let your male pup mess mom when she’s in heat!” We dogs are pretty much ruled by instinct—especially canine males! Since male dogs are fertile by the tender age of six months, even puppies don’t think straight when a nearby female is in heat. No matter how cute and cuddly he is, your little guy’s going to feel a basic urge to do his instinctual thing and mate as soon as he hears the call of the wild. Your job is to keep those circumstances from arising. Keep the two dogs totally separated while your female ‘mom’ is in heat. Although she’ll probably be fertile for only the second week of her 21-day estrus, better safe than sorry, so keep them far apart for the duration. Also, unless your puppy has a future as a stud dog, you might think about getting him neutered sometime soon. In the “Life Ain’t Fair” department, female dogs go into heat only two times a year, but starting from just six months, and sometimes a bit earlier, male dogs, maybe male anythings, are ready to mate any minute of the night or day. So unless you’re willing to chance an unwanted litter for your female, not to mention a major lifetime Oedipus complex for your puppy, get those two apart now! Zelda Share this column with a friend! |
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