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Dear Zelda, My husband likes to fish but I can't stand the smell of it. He goes out in the morning and comes back in the evening smelling of a rotten catch. Because he is so tired from his day's adventures, he falls asleep in his favorite chair, wakes after midnight, and hauls his stinky self to bed. I might as well be sleeping with a flounder. What do I do? I love the man but his hobby is driving me up river! Help Me! Sumpthins Fishy Dear Sumpthins, I'm with you sister! The only place I like to smell fish is in a sushi bar, on a soft, rolled bed of white rice, with a steaming bowl of Miso soup by its side and a small glass of sake to wash it all away. Other than that, keep it where it belongs...underwater. Your angler is forgetting that the "great outdoors" is called that for a reason. How does a guy get sooooooo tired from rolling on a river that he can't send himself to the "cleaning station" before he gets loungy in the living room? "FILLET HIM!"... okay, not really, but air your concerns in a serious tone and ask the following: Should our bedroom smell like bad bass? Our living room like Ling Cod? Reel him in and request the following BEFORE he drops anchor in his easy chair and starts counting trout. After arriving home from his "exhausting day of relaxation,” he is to disrobe in the garage or laundry room. Tell him you will even clean up the clothes for him - it might be a little annoying, but it shows you are willing to "help out." From there he needs to cast himself into the shower or bathtub for a quick rinse to scrub away "the one that didn't get away.” He can use the time to try and remember how he's going to re-tell the story over and over and over (ugh... I pity you). Make sure he knows that you appreciate the "fresh catch,” but only when it's about to hit the non-stick with a dash of oil and a squeeze of lemon. And let him know that the bedroom is a place for you and for him; fish sleep on the couch. If things get desperate, and your hubby hangs on to his halibut-hugging habits, tell him you need his help in the matter to ensure that he does not become part of your future "catch and release program." With the right bait (in this case firm resolve, mixed with some compassion and understanding)... you'll nab this one hook, line and stinker. Zelda Dear Zelda, For Christmas I bought my wife a cute little chocolate colored cocker spaniel puppy. She adores and spoils the puppy, Hershey, but the puppy has started chewing on my shoes. He doesn't touch hers. Do you have any advice on how to discourage this chewing, and do you think perhaps he's chewing on my shoes and not hers for a reason? Chewed Out Dear Chewed Out, I can think of a couple of reasons why your carnivorous canine might be exclusively sabotaging your snacky sneakers. One reason may be that he intuitively understands the value of your wife's amazing taste in fabulous footwear, and the enormous cost to replace them (no munching on her Manolos!). A second reason may be, dare I say it, that your shoes produce more music to Hershey's nose, and that he is honing in on the Eau-de-Pied that your sneakers have in spades? Or third, the real reason, which is in fact... there is no specific reason. According to research, we dogs do not chew out of anger, jealousy or spite. Our desire to nibble is the result of boredom, frustration, or anxiety. When left in a room full of "tasty tid-bites" everything and anything can become a big red bullseye (especially shoes that sit there sticking out their tongues, smelling so sweet, and begging to be played with). It's important in the first stages of training to initiate toy-to-teeth training instead of teeth-to-everything-else training, to ensure minimal damage to precious clothes, furniture, and chachkis. Just like little babies, these furry furniture foes need something to knaw on to ease the trials of teething. So make sure Hershey has plenty of toys! He's a chewer and he'll chew on anything. If you happen to catch him in the senseless act of puncturing your penny loafers, biting your boots, or nibbling your Nikes, give him a firm scolding and follow up by placing one of his toys in his mouth with praise and encouragement. Positive re-inforcement of the "good toys" is mandatory. If Hershey still keeps on targeting your tennis shoes despite all this, you might try spraying them with one of the many products designed specifically to keep dogs from chewing. And lastly, if you plan on leaving for any extended periods of time... put things away. Our anxiety, frustration, and boredom levels tend to go up during these times. A good rule is..."Out of site, out of mouth." Try a few of those ideas on for size. Zelda Share this column with a friend! |
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